Roger's Guide On How to be Insulting
by AzmariaHarmony
Summary: The Master has come to teach the world how to be witty, sarcastic, and insulting just like him!  Slight J/S and R/R if you squint


HOW TO BE INSULTING

BY ROGER NELSON

FEATURING – JACK MERRIDEW, RALPH GREEN WOOD, AND SIMON ELLIOT

**Roger**

_Simon_

Ralph

**Jack**

Normal text

Welcome, young grasshoppers! You have come to learn the art of insulting by none other than The Master.

**My name's Roger, but I will only respond to Master, The Master, Doctor Professor Roger (and that's MISTER Doctor Professor Roger to you!), and if you are one of those Japanese fanatics with no life: Roger-sensei or Roger-sama. Combinations will also be accepted.**

**What is this, another way to boost your ego?**

**Oi! This is MY book so get OUT and yes, it is.**

**Or I WILL throw rocks at you.**

…**.Brat.**

We will begin with a five step process. This has been simplified upon the instruction of The Master.

**So that you imbeciles don't bombard me with your useless questions.**

Step 1: Aquire the victim. It is best advised that you use everyone.

**Ohoho! Why choose only one? But so that your puny brains don't explode we will use only three people. Simon, Ralph, and Jack.**

**Hey! As Head Boy I can give you detention for this!**

**Fool. You can't give Prefects detention.**

_It's true Jack. Our school doesn't allow that._

**Dangit…**

Haha! Jack just got served!

**I can give YOU detention.**

Shutting up….

**ALL OF YOU SHUT UP OR I WILL BLOODY WELL DO IT FOR YOU. PERMANENTLY. **

_Sorry!_

Step Two: Recognize your superiority over the victim(s).

**This comes naturally to me since I AM better than everyone. **

But I'm more handsome.

**Do you want me to wear that outfit that you bought me at that blasted Victoria's Secret tonight?**

YES.

**Then shush.**

_Bow-chicka-bow-wow!_

…**.**

….

…**..**

_What?_

**Nothing…. (****creeped out)**

Step Three: Comment on there inferiority. Be sure to use large words to make you sound smart and above their stupidity.

**Vocabulary is your life. Sleep with a thesaurus under your pillow if you have too.**

Wouldn't that be painful?

**That's the point. No pain, no gain.**

**You are a mean little boy.**

**Who said I was nice?**

**I-…..True.**

**Back to vocabulary. You must be fluent in the English language or whatever language you speak. But this book is written in English, so I will use the English language. If not I will hunt you down and beat repeatedly with a dictionary.**

_It's true. He did it to Maurice last semester. _

**He was using too long sentences! **

**Run-on sentences.**

**Whatever! He was using really long run-on sentences and needed to learn the English language!**

Step Four: Counter any insults thrown back at you. This will be fairly easy since you are dealing with dim idiots with the wit of a sack of rocks.

**Unless you are a dim witted idiot yourself, which I'm guessing over half of you are. **

_Are you calling me an idiot? (kicked puppy look)_

…**No! Why would I? Heheheheheheh…..**

**Even Roger can't resist Simon's cute looks.**

_Aw, Jack~! Are you calling me cute~?_

Awwwww~!

**NO.**

**Simon and Jaaack sitting in a tree!**

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

**First comes sex!**

Then comes marriage!

Then comes several babies in a baby carriage! 

**Th-that's NEVER going to happen! (blushes)**

**Suuuure… (grins)**

Step Five: Rubbing it in their face. Rubbing their inferiority in there face should be frequent enough that they don't forget it, but not so frequent that you get punched.

**I'm too valuable to get punched, anyways.**

**Oh really?**

**Yes. Without me, half the school would be flunking and Ralph will beat up anyone who hurt me.**

Roger, did someone hurt you? I'm gonna KILL them!

**See?**

**Point Taken.**

_Awww! I think Ralph's devotion to Roger is simply romantic and adorable! Why don't you do that Jack?_

**I do….**

_Really?_

**Ever since you moved here…**

_Oh…_

This concludes this guide, and remember, if you follow this guide step by step you will be able to insult almost as good as The Master. But no one is as good as The Master.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns that you would like to tell The Master, click that button below that says "Review" and be sure to address it to The Master. Any reviews not being addressed to The Master will be redirected to that dingy corner over there and Azmaria will answer. Maybe.

**And don't fill my inbox with random crap because I will throw rocks at you!**


End file.
